So I don’t know actually where to start from and how to start so that I can grab your attention with a fancy introduction pick up line.
Well, to be frank, I won’t write anything to impress you or grab your attention but I am going to write something very normal, something very simple that we experience in our daily life routines. I might not be the fanciest person with the most articulate eloquent way of speaking but I am sure of one thing what I will write you might connect with it at some or the other level because you must have experienced or encountered such situations at some point or the other in your life.
I describe myself as a person who is capable of feeling deeply like oceans deep trust me, who might not be the most talkative social person whom you come across at a bar or in a café or on a street but a person who is a listener, who observes and understands. I might sound like an introvert but like most introverts tend to carefully think things through before acting, which has obvious advantages. Personally, I don’t fit into this category because I tend to take a more intuitive, emotional approach to decision making (anyone else out there like me? I hope I am not the only one).
Well, to be frank, I won’t write anything to impress you or grab your attention but I am going to write something very normal, something very simple that we experience in our daily life routines. I might not be the fanciest person with the most articulate eloquent way of speaking but I am sure of one thing what I will write you might connect with it at some or the other level because you must have experienced or encountered such situations at some point or the other in your life.
I describe myself as a person who is capable of feeling deeply like oceans deep trust me, who might not be the most talkative social person whom you come across at a bar or in a café or on a street but a person who is a listener, who observes and understands. I might sound like an introvert but like most introverts tend to carefully think things through before acting, which has obvious advantages. Personally, I don’t fit into this category because I tend to take a more intuitive, emotional approach to decision making (anyone else out there like me? I hope I am not the only one).
I don’t interact with people just for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk start talking to me and I can go on and on, we can discuss life, our fears, our strengths, and our goals, just anything that comes to your mind. I might need someone to initiate the conversation but once something interests me, there is no stopping. I like to be descriptive, I love giving details to everything, and I like telling things in the form of a story that’s what people say who know me a bit. Well it’s okay everyone has their own unique way of talking, I have mine too even if it means at times talking in a way as if I am singing a song. I stress on the important nodes and stretch the irrelevant ones making it all sound like a typical Hindi Bollywood song.
So I guess that’s enough of me let’s get to the main topic. I am sharing one of my personal experiences, something that just happened yesterday. But before that, I need to describe the build up because of which this happened. So I had been in Delhi for the past two and a half months working. Practically with not many familiar people around the city, I just had a good friend indeed a close one whom I have known now since past 5-6 years of my life. I have a cousin too living in Noida who is the closest family I had away from home. All of us being busy in our work lives only used to get weekends to meet which with me used to be worse because I used to have office even on Saturdays like who the fuck works on a Saturday night till 7, it’s like the janam sidh adhikaar of an individual to have Saturday and Sundays off from work but it’s okay the world is on a fast move with everyone running to be successful, to cope up, we got to work ourselves up the ladder.
So I used to rely on my cousin and this close good friend of mine to meet me on weekends so that they could take me around to good places, and they made sure I had a good time with them while I was in Delhi. Mostly, both of them used to be shit load busy with work but somehow managed to make me happy by taking me to a movie, shopping a bit, or going to a fancy café with some finger licking amazing food to eat. I used to wait for the weekend eagerly as it was the only time of the week when I could meet either of them. I was living alone in a one BHK flat with no Wi-Fi and not much to do after work hours. Sitting idle after work kind of made me depressing, making me feel what the fuck am I doing with my life, sitting, browsing through social media just passing my time when I could do so many other productive things. Maybe yes I was beating myself too hard because I wanted to do something good, something that would make me happy. First I should have got a Wi-Fi while moving in which I didn’t because I thought my workload at the office would be too much that I won’t feel the need to occupy my mind with something else after work hours but well some days office was not that busy so I used to come back home early. Secondly, I was in Delhi just for two months internship so I thought time would pass even without a Wi-Fi and I could save on this another expense. Being an introvert I like to spend my time alone by myself, writing about things, my daily experiences and encounters with different people but that doesn’t mean that I would want to do that every other day of the week. There are times when I want to go out with my people, which used to comprise of my cousin and the close friend. These people being the ones I was most comfortable with I used to share my everyday doings with them, which over the time period used to involve not much of anything, as I had practically nothing to talk about. I wasn’t doing anything apart from work plus I had no other people to go to apart from them. Practically a whole new city and with such fewer people to talk to made me a little low on the happier part. Eventually, the close friend went out of town for 2 weeks, with him gone for that long and my cousin being busy even on weekends made me go down to another deeply depressed level. I had no one to share my talks with as they were not around and talking on the phone always wasn’t that helpful with all the roaming charges that used to follow so the talks used to be restricted to the everyday tasks, which were monotonous, and nothing new was there to add. I had things that I wanted to talk about, things that I felt like talking about, things I wanted to do in life, and things where I needed help from, advice from my two familiar people in town because for me they were my family in Delhi. (And family is what we rely on, right? Correct me if I am wrong?) The physical distance between us made it hard for me to communicate what I actually wanted to and meeting just for few hours even on the weekends couldn’t fill up the gaps. More than my cousin I used to talk to this close friend as we met practically after 4 years and I had missed him all this while.
With this entire thing going on in my empty mind, there was a small seed of sadness growing; we all know what an empty mind can do to us. (Empty mind- the worst devil) With all this and along with some other issues coming in my life made it evident that I was sad and it was reflected in my talks with people, as there was nothing productive happening in my life at that point in time. I started getting frustrated with petty things that didn’t even matter. There could have been ways I would have coped up with this frustration like going out, meeting new people, taking up part-time projects, just doing anything to not let the negative thoughts get in but with office till 7 in the evening made it tiring for me to go out alone after 7 plus going out alone in Delhi didn’t sound that safe to me although I did go out alone too but it just gave me temporary happiness, with no Wi-Fi I couldn’t look for the projects, maybe the empty mind was just finding excuses not to do anything or maybe I just felt lonely, maybe I just needed someone to listen to me, maybe I just needed the close warmth of the people that mattered to me even if that meant getting to spend a whole day with them so that I could refresh my mind, have a happy time with them but nothing of that sort was happening because of obvious different work hours we all had. A lot of could have and would haves but when you are down in the negative pit all the positives tend to fade so in this hour fight back and see the positive because you are lucky enough to have got a life which others just dream of. Instead of cribbing make it better. TAKE THE STEP. MAKE YOUR MOVE.
So finally the internship was coming to an end, my friend got back in town just four days before I was leaving. I had waited to meet him for a long time and practically I was more than excited to be able to just see him. We met we had a nice time together. But when things have to go bad they go bad even if you don’t intend to. So the friend had to attend his best friend’s tilak ceremony plus he wanted to spend time with me so he invited me to come along with him to this event now me being a socially inactive person from past two and a half months felt like what would I do with his friends around, I mean I didn’t know what to talk about, how to initiate the conversation, I don’t know what they do, even if I ask them things for how long will I be able to talk to them because at times I do have to find the need to interact, I didn’t have anything to talk about because my mind had been that empty for such a long time, plus thinking that amongst all his good friends I was the odd one out I thought it was better if he would go alone, let him enjoy his time with his friends and he wouldn’t have to give his attention to me as well as his friends. Making things easier for him I thought I would comprise with my urge to spend time with him. We were talking on the phone and discussing all this and during the discussion, the things got heated up and my friend hung up on me. By the time all this happened his phone was dead which made things worse. I told him to go to the event and come meet me after that. I waited long for really long, all I got was a text I am sorry I can’t come over to meet you. I don’t feel like.
That did hurt…
I waited the next day that he would call and make a plan to meet me but he didn’t which made me angry, which did hurt and made me feel a lot worse and frustrated. The person with whom I had wanted to meet for so long was ignoring me just two days before I was leaving. It seemed like I didn’t exist for him, that I didn’t matter, that I was a no one.
Things got worse I started saying things, writing messages rather long messages to him conveying my discomfort and frustration. Finally, just a day before I was supposed to leave that is yesterday I convinced him to meet me after an unhealthy less happy conversation over the phone. We met, the meeting went bad, the friend said rude things, which he felt he was just being honest about but there is a fine line between being rude and being honest. He crossed all lines with his voice raised so high. He told me things like I find you a boring person, you have a depressing life, you are not so cool, you are not social, you are an immature, you are not an intellectual person, he said I didn’t even know if I really wanted you to come with me to the event, maybe because he was not sure about the fact that he even liked me as who I was or he was just adjusting to the fact that I was new to the city and being an old friend he was just being nice, this conversation went on and on with a lot of comments coming over on my personality. All such negative remarks coming from a person whom I thought I was close to with whom I had open up to a bit that he practically knew about all the obvious things happening in my life that time which was not that *happening *to be frank, made me feel that I was actually being judged. It felt like he was comparing me to someone else, someone he admired, someone he still was missing in his life, but I am me you can’t compare me with your other friends or people in your life. Decide if you want me to stay or not, decide if you want me or not? Because If you don’t then I will move on, but if I stay I won’t tell you, “You are being negative I don’t want such negative in my life” rather I will help you cope with your negatives because that is the kind of person I am. I HELP. I IMPROVE. I GROW. I SPREAD KINDNESS AND HAPPINESS AROUND.
He practically judged me and my entire life on the basis of what I was telling him over the phone over the past so many days which actually could have changed if he had tried to give me some time so that I could have shared with him things that I actually wanted to. But he never had time.
So I guess that’s enough of me let’s get to the main topic. I am sharing one of my personal experiences, something that just happened yesterday. But before that, I need to describe the build up because of which this happened. So I had been in Delhi for the past two and a half months working. Practically with not many familiar people around the city, I just had a good friend indeed a close one whom I have known now since past 5-6 years of my life. I have a cousin too living in Noida who is the closest family I had away from home. All of us being busy in our work lives only used to get weekends to meet which with me used to be worse because I used to have office even on Saturdays like who the fuck works on a Saturday night till 7, it’s like the janam sidh adhikaar of an individual to have Saturday and Sundays off from work but it’s okay the world is on a fast move with everyone running to be successful, to cope up, we got to work ourselves up the ladder.
So I used to rely on my cousin and this close good friend of mine to meet me on weekends so that they could take me around to good places, and they made sure I had a good time with them while I was in Delhi. Mostly, both of them used to be shit load busy with work but somehow managed to make me happy by taking me to a movie, shopping a bit, or going to a fancy café with some finger licking amazing food to eat. I used to wait for the weekend eagerly as it was the only time of the week when I could meet either of them. I was living alone in a one BHK flat with no Wi-Fi and not much to do after work hours. Sitting idle after work kind of made me depressing, making me feel what the fuck am I doing with my life, sitting, browsing through social media just passing my time when I could do so many other productive things. Maybe yes I was beating myself too hard because I wanted to do something good, something that would make me happy. First I should have got a Wi-Fi while moving in which I didn’t because I thought my workload at the office would be too much that I won’t feel the need to occupy my mind with something else after work hours but well some days office was not that busy so I used to come back home early. Secondly, I was in Delhi just for two months internship so I thought time would pass even without a Wi-Fi and I could save on this another expense. Being an introvert I like to spend my time alone by myself, writing about things, my daily experiences and encounters with different people but that doesn’t mean that I would want to do that every other day of the week. There are times when I want to go out with my people, which used to comprise of my cousin and the close friend. These people being the ones I was most comfortable with I used to share my everyday doings with them, which over the time period used to involve not much of anything, as I had practically nothing to talk about. I wasn’t doing anything apart from work plus I had no other people to go to apart from them. Practically a whole new city and with such fewer people to talk to made me a little low on the happier part. Eventually, the close friend went out of town for 2 weeks, with him gone for that long and my cousin being busy even on weekends made me go down to another deeply depressed level. I had no one to share my talks with as they were not around and talking on the phone always wasn’t that helpful with all the roaming charges that used to follow so the talks used to be restricted to the everyday tasks, which were monotonous, and nothing new was there to add. I had things that I wanted to talk about, things that I felt like talking about, things I wanted to do in life, and things where I needed help from, advice from my two familiar people in town because for me they were my family in Delhi. (And family is what we rely on, right? Correct me if I am wrong?) The physical distance between us made it hard for me to communicate what I actually wanted to and meeting just for few hours even on the weekends couldn’t fill up the gaps. More than my cousin I used to talk to this close friend as we met practically after 4 years and I had missed him all this while.
With this entire thing going on in my empty mind, there was a small seed of sadness growing; we all know what an empty mind can do to us. (Empty mind- the worst devil) With all this and along with some other issues coming in my life made it evident that I was sad and it was reflected in my talks with people, as there was nothing productive happening in my life at that point in time. I started getting frustrated with petty things that didn’t even matter. There could have been ways I would have coped up with this frustration like going out, meeting new people, taking up part-time projects, just doing anything to not let the negative thoughts get in but with office till 7 in the evening made it tiring for me to go out alone after 7 plus going out alone in Delhi didn’t sound that safe to me although I did go out alone too but it just gave me temporary happiness, with no Wi-Fi I couldn’t look for the projects, maybe the empty mind was just finding excuses not to do anything or maybe I just felt lonely, maybe I just needed someone to listen to me, maybe I just needed the close warmth of the people that mattered to me even if that meant getting to spend a whole day with them so that I could refresh my mind, have a happy time with them but nothing of that sort was happening because of obvious different work hours we all had. A lot of could have and would haves but when you are down in the negative pit all the positives tend to fade so in this hour fight back and see the positive because you are lucky enough to have got a life which others just dream of. Instead of cribbing make it better. TAKE THE STEP. MAKE YOUR MOVE.
So finally the internship was coming to an end, my friend got back in town just four days before I was leaving. I had waited to meet him for a long time and practically I was more than excited to be able to just see him. We met we had a nice time together. But when things have to go bad they go bad even if you don’t intend to. So the friend had to attend his best friend’s tilak ceremony plus he wanted to spend time with me so he invited me to come along with him to this event now me being a socially inactive person from past two and a half months felt like what would I do with his friends around, I mean I didn’t know what to talk about, how to initiate the conversation, I don’t know what they do, even if I ask them things for how long will I be able to talk to them because at times I do have to find the need to interact, I didn’t have anything to talk about because my mind had been that empty for such a long time, plus thinking that amongst all his good friends I was the odd one out I thought it was better if he would go alone, let him enjoy his time with his friends and he wouldn’t have to give his attention to me as well as his friends. Making things easier for him I thought I would comprise with my urge to spend time with him. We were talking on the phone and discussing all this and during the discussion, the things got heated up and my friend hung up on me. By the time all this happened his phone was dead which made things worse. I told him to go to the event and come meet me after that. I waited long for really long, all I got was a text I am sorry I can’t come over to meet you. I don’t feel like.
That did hurt…
I waited the next day that he would call and make a plan to meet me but he didn’t which made me angry, which did hurt and made me feel a lot worse and frustrated. The person with whom I had wanted to meet for so long was ignoring me just two days before I was leaving. It seemed like I didn’t exist for him, that I didn’t matter, that I was a no one.
Things got worse I started saying things, writing messages rather long messages to him conveying my discomfort and frustration. Finally, just a day before I was supposed to leave that is yesterday I convinced him to meet me after an unhealthy less happy conversation over the phone. We met, the meeting went bad, the friend said rude things, which he felt he was just being honest about but there is a fine line between being rude and being honest. He crossed all lines with his voice raised so high. He told me things like I find you a boring person, you have a depressing life, you are not so cool, you are not social, you are an immature, you are not an intellectual person, he said I didn’t even know if I really wanted you to come with me to the event, maybe because he was not sure about the fact that he even liked me as who I was or he was just adjusting to the fact that I was new to the city and being an old friend he was just being nice, this conversation went on and on with a lot of comments coming over on my personality. All such negative remarks coming from a person whom I thought I was close to with whom I had open up to a bit that he practically knew about all the obvious things happening in my life that time which was not that *happening *to be frank, made me feel that I was actually being judged. It felt like he was comparing me to someone else, someone he admired, someone he still was missing in his life, but I am me you can’t compare me with your other friends or people in your life. Decide if you want me to stay or not, decide if you want me or not? Because If you don’t then I will move on, but if I stay I won’t tell you, “You are being negative I don’t want such negative in my life” rather I will help you cope with your negatives because that is the kind of person I am. I HELP. I IMPROVE. I GROW. I SPREAD KINDNESS AND HAPPINESS AROUND.
He practically judged me and my entire life on the basis of what I was telling him over the phone over the past so many days which actually could have changed if he had tried to give me some time so that I could have shared with him things that I actually wanted to. But he never had time.
The above meeting did hurt me; it did change a lot between that friend and me. Being a close friend he could have explained me things in a nicer way than being rude. He could have been calm and he could have made me understand his point.
But in that entire negative, I found something really positive something that brought a change in me, which was so sudden that it practically changed my outlook of looking at things. I realized where I went wrong, I realized that I disturbed the balance, it's not always necessary the people we are close to we have to share everything with them, at times we need to deal with our own odds, at times we can’t allow people to have the right to hurt us only because they are close to us. Plus people don’t have the right to judge us on the basis of what we tell them; there might be so many things we are not telling them just because they don’t have the time for us. Everyone is different and unique in his or her own way. We might be afraid to let ourselves out open if this is how people are going to judge us. We need to have an open mind to understand people and their situations because we might not be walking in their shoes. They are what they are because of the experiences and situations they have seen and been through all their lives. People make preconceived notions about someone and feel that they are that and they will remain that always which I feel is so wrong. You know me but you still don’t know the real me. To know the real me you need to invest time in me to understand me and to believe in me that I will improve. Slow and steady wins the race, you can’t change a person overnight, changes happen over time, they happen for good, we need to have patience if we want to keep the friendship alive, and the bond to be real and most of all if we want the people to stay that close in our lives we need to see the good in them and help them overcome the odds. Nobody is perfect, this world is a really small place I feel to live in, we humans can only help each other out to survive and become a better being. We need to trust each other and help each other grow and improve as a person. Being close to someone doesn’t give you the right to judge them, rather help them improve, help them develop, help them see things in a different way which doesn’t mean insulting them or letting them think low about themselves. Giving too much importance to people, prioritising them too much is unhealthy too; you need to have a balance. You need to prioritise yourself before anyone because it’s only you who knows how beautiful of a person you are in real and you don’t have to prove it to anyone. People are going to come and go only the important ones will be able to witness the real incredible you so cling on to such people as they are the real people who will help you grow by seeing the potential of good in you.
All this made me look at things at a whole new level which I know is going to help me grow in such a positive way that I want to thank my friend for what he did because I saw the good in what he said. I value him and will always do because I see the great in him in spite of all the odds and I know he is an incredible person from inside. (* Keeping it really simple and straight, trying to express a little here about what I think of you if you are reading this*)
Let’s be kind, let’s invest some time in knowing people, listening to them because it takes ages to know exactly how a person is but then also we fail to know them in the most real and purest way.
Let’s stay positive with an open non-judgmental mind speaking in a way that others love to listen to you and listening in a way that others love to speak to you.
But in that entire negative, I found something really positive something that brought a change in me, which was so sudden that it practically changed my outlook of looking at things. I realized where I went wrong, I realized that I disturbed the balance, it's not always necessary the people we are close to we have to share everything with them, at times we need to deal with our own odds, at times we can’t allow people to have the right to hurt us only because they are close to us. Plus people don’t have the right to judge us on the basis of what we tell them; there might be so many things we are not telling them just because they don’t have the time for us. Everyone is different and unique in his or her own way. We might be afraid to let ourselves out open if this is how people are going to judge us. We need to have an open mind to understand people and their situations because we might not be walking in their shoes. They are what they are because of the experiences and situations they have seen and been through all their lives. People make preconceived notions about someone and feel that they are that and they will remain that always which I feel is so wrong. You know me but you still don’t know the real me. To know the real me you need to invest time in me to understand me and to believe in me that I will improve. Slow and steady wins the race, you can’t change a person overnight, changes happen over time, they happen for good, we need to have patience if we want to keep the friendship alive, and the bond to be real and most of all if we want the people to stay that close in our lives we need to see the good in them and help them overcome the odds. Nobody is perfect, this world is a really small place I feel to live in, we humans can only help each other out to survive and become a better being. We need to trust each other and help each other grow and improve as a person. Being close to someone doesn’t give you the right to judge them, rather help them improve, help them develop, help them see things in a different way which doesn’t mean insulting them or letting them think low about themselves. Giving too much importance to people, prioritising them too much is unhealthy too; you need to have a balance. You need to prioritise yourself before anyone because it’s only you who knows how beautiful of a person you are in real and you don’t have to prove it to anyone. People are going to come and go only the important ones will be able to witness the real incredible you so cling on to such people as they are the real people who will help you grow by seeing the potential of good in you.
All this made me look at things at a whole new level which I know is going to help me grow in such a positive way that I want to thank my friend for what he did because I saw the good in what he said. I value him and will always do because I see the great in him in spite of all the odds and I know he is an incredible person from inside. (* Keeping it really simple and straight, trying to express a little here about what I think of you if you are reading this*)
Let’s be kind, let’s invest some time in knowing people, listening to them because it takes ages to know exactly how a person is but then also we fail to know them in the most real and purest way.
Let’s stay positive with an open non-judgmental mind speaking in a way that others love to listen to you and listening in a way that others love to speak to you.
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